Resources
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to relationship therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Designed to enhance connection, manage conflict, and foster shared meaning, this method is grounded in over four decades of research with thousands of couples.
Key Principles:
• The Sound Relationship House Theory - provides a framework for building a healthy and lasting partnership, with key components such as nurturing fondness and admiration, turning toward each other, managing conflict, making life dreams come true, and creating shared meaning.
• Love Maps- refer to the idea that partners in a relationship should deeply understand each other's inner world—essentially, a "map" of their partner's thoughts, feelings, experiences, preferences, and dreams.
• The Four Horsemen- criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—are negative communication patterns that predict relationship issues. Still, they can be countered with gentleness, appreciation, responsibility, and self-soothing to foster healthier connections.
•The Atone, Attune, Attach approach- a process for repairing and strengthening relationships after a betrayal or other hurtful event. It involves three key steps:
· Atone: Taking responsibility for hurtful actions by learning your partner’s pain to offer genuine apologies to rebuild trust.
· Attune: Actively working on improving understanding and empathy by being emotionally present and validating each other's feelings.
· Attach: Building a strong emotional bond by nurturing the relationship and demonstrating commitment and affection.
Additional Gottman Method Resources
Books by Drs. John and Julie Gottman:
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
• What Makes Love Last?
• Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
• Fight Right
• The Man's Guide to Women
•The Science of Trust
Verywell Mind:
This article provides an overview of the Gottman Method, its techniques, and its benefits, such as understanding perpetual vs. resolvable conflicts and building positive relationship dynamics. Check it out here.
Psychology Today:
A detailed summary of the Gottman Method, its applications, and what to expect in therapy sessions. Read more at Psychology Today.
How Well Do You Know Your Partner?
Take the Gottman Relationship Quiz here.
"Rikki & Jimmy on Relationships" Podcast
"Rikki and Jimmy on Relationships" is a podcast dedicated to helping individuals identify and transform unhealthy relational dynamics to foster closeness and intimacy. The hosts, Jimmy and Rikki, emphasize practical strategies for imperfect partners to improve their relationships. By discussing topics such as conflict resolution, attachment styles, and rebuilding trust, Rikki and Jimmy provide listeners with insights that complement the goals of the Gottman Method, offering actionable advice to cultivate healthier and more fulfilling relationships. For a deeper understanding of their perspective, listen to the podcast here.
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a structured approach to relationship therapy rooted in attachment theory. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT helps couples identify negative patterns, express unmet emotional needs, and create secure, lasting bonds.
Stages of EFT:
1. De-escalation: Identifying and reducing negative patterns.
2. Restructuring: Sharing emotions and rebuilding trust.
3. Consolidation: Strengthening new interaction patterns.
Key Concepts:
• The importance of attachment and emotional safety.
• Identifying and restructuring negative interaction patterns.
• Strengthening accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement (ARE).
Additional EFT Resources
International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT):
This is the main hub for EFT. It provides access to articles and podcasts, including “Growing Through Connection,” featuring Dr. Sue Johnson. Visit: ICEEFT
Hold Me Tight Program:
Based on Dr. Sue Johnson’s book, this program provides resources for couples looking to enhance emotional connection through structured exercises and conversations. Explore: Hold Me Tight Online Program
EFT Books:
“Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Dr. Sue Johnson
• A highly accessible book that introduces EFT concepts and provides practical exercises for couples to strengthen their emotional connection.
“Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships” by Dr. Sue Johnson
• Explores the science of attachment and how understanding these dynamics can improve romantic relationships.
EFT Attachment Style Quiz:
Discover your attachment style and its impact on your relationships. To learn more about Attachment Theory and discover your attachment style click here.
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